I am actually very proud of what I managed to accomplish this year. I feel like I have lived more within this year than I ever had before. While battling depression and social anxiety for 5 years (but also basically my whole life prior that) I felt like I was asleep the whole time, my life was put on stand-by.
And still in this state of mind I managed to pass my maturita exam thus finish high school and get a half-time job in a theater.
And that was the breakthrough. Within the first month of working I managed to slip out of depression with almost no residue and 100% ditched social anxiety. I also managed to learn two super important skills: to say no and to say fuck you, in layman’s terms, to stand my freakin ground. Suddenly things felt both easy and terribly difficult, because I had to catch up on those five years AKA times when most students make the most important decisions.
Choosing school was the hardest thing. I was absolutely clueless about what I wanted to do for living and I even contemplated not going to college and working instead. Thank god, that did not work out.
I jumped from wanting to be a graphic designer to a scenographer to an artist and finally landed on the thing I wanted to do my whole freaking life.
If it wasn’t for my colleague in the theater I would have never known this option was a thing. I’m so thankful to her.
While being torn about how to make myself useful now, I organized shitload of meetups for quite a big group of people, a thing, which I am definitely proud of. A year before that I’d never be able to do such a thing, mainly because I could not handle a simple phone call.
I also started being fully interested in history of fashion and fell completely in love with 1920’s.
By that time my boyfriend, Alex, went to the US to study and I realized that long-distance relationships are super hard if you have already been with the person before, but not unmanageable.
And then I postponed my studying for the entrance exams until the week before the exams and I stressed the fuck out, studied about 12 hours a day nonstop and passed that motherfucker.
Getting into college that is said to have one of the most difficult entrance exams was a clear sign to me that I have finally mastered my life and finished my battle with depression.
Seriously, this year was so hasty, so many wonderful and really stressful things happened, but here I stand now, excited for what the next one will bring.