My first ever dandelion chain which is a bit too small but it still makes me happy.

My first ever dandelion chain which is a bit too small but it still makes me happy.

Okay so those of you who don’t know, I have been really sick and getting progressively worse and worse for like two, three weeks now.

Today feel so tired and sick that breathing is so exhausting it’s almost painful. I still have to go to work in an hour and pretend everything is okay until i come back home and collapse to bed.

This is the first time I’m seriously looking forward to go the doctor’s to get my blood taken and finally getting to know what is wrong with me. Just one more day, I have to survive one more day.

I was bullied in elementary school for my looks and slowly started to agree with the bullies, I wasn’t able to call myself other than hideous until I was 18, I desperately hated the way I looked and tried to hide all of my imperfect features from the world, I was insecure about my appearance even when I started feeling slightly better about myself …

… and now I have got over 90 notes on a set of pictures with my face in all of them, wearing a style I wasn’t sure anyone except for me would like. It feels really nice. It’s a gigantic middle finger to all of my insecurities and painful memories from elementary school. And anyone who would call me ugly.

So thank you. :)

Being an adult

What I can handle:

  • paying bills
  • taking care of an entire apartment
  • being both active on the internet and socially active
  • calling a stranger on the phone
  • going to work on time
  • being responsible

What I can’t handle:

  • being in a hallway without any light
  • not checking under the bed for monsters
  • not opening my eyes in the middle of washing my face to check if there is no serial killer behind me
I’m out of contacts and the only ones left are the ones for the Judge and I have to wear those for makin a finger wave on my hair so there you have it.

I’m out of contacts and the only ones left are the ones for the Judge and I have to wear those for makin a finger wave on my hair so there you have it.

I did it I don’t have to go to my psychiatrist anymore she said I’m alright I’m so happy 4 years of terror and it’s overrr

Bold whats true about you

You just learned a bit about me:

  • I am a cuddler.
  • I am a morning person.
  • I am an only child. (I have 4 stepbrothers does that count)
  • I am currently in my pajamas.
  • I am currently pregnant.
  • I am left handed.
  • l am right handed.
  • I am ambidextrous.
  • I am a little shy around another gender.
  • I bite my nails. 
  • I can be paranoid at times. 
  • I enjoy country music.
  • I enjoy smoothies. 
  • I enjoy talking on the phone.
  • I have a car.
  • I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.
    (at least the last few years of it)
  • I have a hidden talent.
  • I have a pet.
  • I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” person.
  • I have all my grandparents. 
  • I have been to another country.
  • I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
  • I have caller I.D. on my phone.
  • I have bathed someone.
  • I have changed a diaper.
  • I have changed a lot over the past year.
  • I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
  • I have had major/minor surgery.
  • I have killed another person.
  • I have had my hair cut within the last week.
  • I have mood swings.
  • I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
  • I have rejected someone before.
  • I like the taste of blood. 
  • I love Michael Jackson.
  • I love sleeping.
  • I love to shop.
  • I own 100 CDs or more.
  • I own and use a library card.
  • I read books for pleasure in my spare time. 
  • I sleep a lot during the day.
  • I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
  • I work at a job that I enjoy.
  • I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. 
  • I am wearing socks.
  • I am tired.
  • I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
  • I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month. 

I have/had:

  • Finished college.
  • Smoked cigarettes. 
  • Ridden every ride at an amusement park.
  • Collected something really stupid.
  • Gone to a concert.
  • Helped someone.
  • Spun turn tables.
  • Watched four movies in one night.
  • Been broken up with. (I was always the dumper)
  • Taken a college level course. 
  • Been in a car accident.
  • Been in a tornado.
  • Watched someone die.
  • Been to a funeral.
  • Burned yourself. 
  • Ran a marathon.
  • Your parents got divorced.
  • Cried yourself to sleep. 
  • Spent over $200 in one day. 
  • Cheated on someone.
  • Been cheated on.
  • Written a 10 page letter.
  • Had a best friend.
  • Lost someone you loved.
  • Skipped school.
  • Gotten in trouble for something you didn’t do.
  • Stolen books from the library. 
  • Been in a mental hospital.
  • Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
  • Fired a gun.
  • Been in a school play.
  • Been fired from a job.
  • Taken a lie detector test.
  • Swam with dolphins.
  • Attempted suicide.
  • Written poetry.
  • Read more than 20 books a year.
  • Gone to another continent.
  • Loved someone you couldn’t have.
  • Used a colouring book over age 12.
  • Had surgery.
  • Had stitches.
  • Taken a taxi.
  • Had more than 5 online conversations going at once. 
  • Had a hamster.
  • Dyed your hair.
    (from black to more black)
  • Had something pierced. 
  • Gotten straight A’s.
  • Been handcuffed. (but not by police omfg)

My hair is naturally the color:

  • Light brown
  • Medium brown
  • Dark brown 
  • Blonde
  • Black (so dark brown it’s black)
  • Dirty blonde 
  • Strawberry blonde
  • Multicoloured
  • Red

My eyes are:

  • Brown
  • Dark Brown
  • Blue
  • Green
  • Hazel
  • Light brown
  • A combination of things
  • Ice Blue
  • Grey

People sometimes label me as:

  • Slut
  • Girly
  • Ugly 
  • Nerd
  • Other

Some of my biggest fears are:

  • Spiders/other insects 
  • Slimy things
  • Dying
  • Doctor/Dentist appointments 
  • Hospitals 
  • Needles (but only when it comes to dentists)
  • Disease
  • Being alone in the dark
  • Heights
  • Small spaces 
  • Oceans/large bodies of water!!!!!!
  • Holes
  • Large animals
  • Small animals
  • Open spaces
  • Lightning
  • Tornadoes

I have:

  • A friend with benefits
  • A laptop in my room
  • A television in my room (in the family house where i don’t live anymore but yeah it’s still the family house)
  • Good grades (currently not going to any school)
  • My own car (duh this one has already been there??)
  • Married parents
I made a teddy bear for mom for Christmas and I feel so fucking proud of that I mean look at it holy crap look at my none existent experience with making plushies

I made a teddy bear for mom for Christmas and I feel so fucking proud of that I mean look at it holy crap look at my none existent experience with making plushies

111 followers! Thank you!

I didn’t even tell you guys that the boss of the costume crafting agency was very fond of my cosplays and promised me a job there after the new year! Great! And I can still keep the one in the theatre! It means no college for at least like 3 years but hey, at least I’ll have tons of experience in the field?

What are you talking about, I don’t have a hat problem.

What are you talking about, I don’t have a hat problem.

About Me

ilinh91:

BASIC:

Name: Anežka Beatrice

Nickname(s): Tara, Tarakau

Age: 20

Birthday: 21.9.

Orientation: bi

LIKES / DISLIKES:

Favorite Color(s): teal and black

Least Favorite Color: yellow

Favorite Food: spaghetti bolognese

Least Favorite Food: brussels sprout ewww

Favorite Band/Artist: Woodkid, Caravan Palace, Parov Stelar, Muse

Least Favorite Band/Artist: idk

Favorite Type of Movie: action/DETECTIVE STORIES

Least Favorite Type of Movie: romantic, sorry Alex

One thing you can’t get enough of: 1920’s fashion

One thing you hate more than anything: brussels sprout

LOVE LIFE:

Are you single? no

Do you have a crush on anyone right now? does it count as a crush if you are dating that person

Do you flirt a lot? people say I do

Sweetest thing you’ve ever gotten: aa I don’t know I am sorry I hate deciding what people/things/gifts are my favourite

Do you believe in love at first sight? I think so but like Alex said it’s more love at first conversation

Do you fall in love fast? I didn’t think I did but look at me now heh

Do you ever make the first move? usually?

Do you want to get married? who doesn’t

ARE YOU…

A daydreamer? all the time

Talkative? yes! I love talking to strangers

Energetic? 50% of the time

Happy? almost all the time now

Depressed? just sad, sometimes

Caring? i am a mother hen for the czech HS community

Trustworthy? I hope so

Confident? most of the time

Friendly? very

Sarcastic? trying to tone that down but yeah

Dependable? uhhh I think so, like depends who you are

Adaptable? yes, but I usually cry about it first

Emotionally strong? ugh 50% of the time

Religious? trying to be, at least a little bit

Indecisive? yeah man

Outgoing? yes

Nosy? yes unfortunately

Lazy? haha yeah

Artistic? yes

Thoughtful? yes

Considerate? yes

Romantic? i’d say yes

Obsessive? not really

Sincere? mostly

AAAAaaaaa exactly this is what I feel like most of the time nowadays!
After 4 years of being unable to pick myself up, 4 years of depression and panic seizures and health problems I somehow got over it and it’s incredible! I mean, there are still problems I need to deal with and those problems are more real then what I was dealing with when I had to take Xanax almost every day to be ok, but I can handle them. Sure sometimes I still have to cry, but it’s just the fear of the future, not depression.
The last time I talked to my psychiatrist I told her that since all of this is over, I feel invincible. I feel powerful. I feel strong and ready to start anew, because I have all the experience with bad stuff that can help me overcome the future bad stuff. And I still feel like that!
Now, this state doesn’t have to last forever. I might relapse soon, or never, or in 20 years, but I will always remember the feeling of being ready to accept new challenges life can give me.

AAAAaaaaa exactly this is what I feel like most of the time nowadays!

After 4 years of being unable to pick myself up, 4 years of depression and panic seizures and health problems I somehow got over it and it’s incredible! I mean, there are still problems I need to deal with and those problems are more real then what I was dealing with when I had to take Xanax almost every day to be ok, but I can handle them. Sure sometimes I still have to cry, but it’s just the fear of the future, not depression.

The last time I talked to my psychiatrist I told her that since all of this is over, I feel invincible. I feel powerful. I feel strong and ready to start anew, because I have all the experience with bad stuff that can help me overcome the future bad stuff. And I still feel like that!

Now, this state doesn’t have to last forever. I might relapse soon, or never, or in 20 years, but I will always remember the feeling of being ready to accept new challenges life can give me.

Ok if I save some money and get to this electroswing party in December I might hopefully win about 10 000CZK (about 500 bucks) in ‘The most authentic swing outfit’ competition and oh my god I need that money so much guys please wish me all the luck that would be kind of a dream come true and a peak of my ‘20’s fashion enthusiast’ hobby.